Really? Linguistic habits and emotional effects

I’ve noticed that there has been a surge in the use of “Really?” in response to negative or surprising events. It’s not a genuine question to convey surprise. It’s more of a way of conveying a sort of sarcastic disbelief. You probably know what I’m talking about, but just in case, here is an example: You are playing ping-pong and for the third time, your partner pops the ball into his own beer. As a result, he exclaims “Really?” and hangs his head.

I’m sure these trends in language are studied, though I don’t study them (yet). But they do seem pretty important. I’m sure the prominent use of “like” has been studied – in fact, here’s a cute post that has audio of president G. W. Bush’s use of “like, totally.”

It seems that “like” is used as a filler (similar to “um”). But “Really?” seems more problematic. For the last few days, I noticed that I have adopted the habit, and I also noticed that I felt more disappointed and flabbergasted than I think I normally would have about whatever the issue was — even in commenting on others, but especially when commenting on my own behavior. The ping-pong incident actually did happen to me, but my genuine feelings were that it was rather impressive — perhaps I had some particular beer-pong talent that could be monetized. So why was I reacting so inauthentically?

My hypothesis (based on myself only) is that I wanted to make it clear to others that I knew what had happened was effectively not good. Keltner (2009) discusses that genuine embarrassment functions as a way of showing others you are aware that you did something wrong and it elicits a more forgiving attitude on their part. So, perhaps this is why I formed such an odd habit, and why others are forming it around me. It’s not exactly as visceral as embarrassment, but it seems close…like a strange self-flagellation.

Even though it may serve a purpose, by submitting to this habit, I seem to be experiencing more intense negative emotions in little bursts throughout the day. I can’t think of other habits that I have that are like this, but I probably have them and should get rid of them. It reminds me of a professor I had as an undergrad who, whenever he was asked “how are you?,” would respond with an enthusiastic “outstanding.” I’m betting that by just making this his usual response, always including the apparently genuine emotion, he was increasing the frequency of his positive emotional experiences.

So, how do I get rid of this habit and perhaps replace it or create more beneficial ones? Practicing mindfulness seems like a promising place to begin.

References:

Keltner, D. (2009). Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life. New York: WW Norton & Co.